Saturday, 15 August 2015

fbb and a Topless Party [1]

The Mind Boggles - but Shouldn't
fbb ad Mrs fbb were greatly privileged to be invited to join in with a weekend of Fearnley family frolic and fun with two celebrations. It was Archie's third birthday on the Saturday ...
... and Georgina's Christening on the Sunday.
The fbb's had been promised a "transport related" treat as a post-nosh event on Saturday evening; with fbb invited to guess the detail. fbb did guess but kept his speculation to himself so as not to spoil the fun for Mrs fbb! The glorious truth was duly revealed by a notice on one of the tables groaning with a splendidly substantial buffet supper. (Poor sentence construction; the tables were groaning, not the notice!)
And at the appointed hour, the extended Fearnley clan mustered at the garden gate to board the beautiful bus.
In appropriate recognition of the standards of the bus industry, departure was 10 minutes late!

Due to verdant afforestation in the sylvan suburbs of Torquay, the assembled multitude was required to sit downstairs until the main road was reached. Apparently the bus driver was uneasy about the prospect of those in his care being flapped in he fizzer by frequent fronds of foliage. Shame. Part of the fun of an open top ride denied by the dreaded health and safety!

But all were soon ensconced "upstairs" including granny F, clocking up a mighty 94 years.
After a few hundred yards of tortuous Torquay trundling, a crisis developed for Mr Giles Fearnley, head honcho of First Bus. The conversation, in expurgated form, is herewith recorded.

Offstage : Giles? Is this one of your buses?
GRF (confused) : I don't know, I'm only the boss.
Offstage : It's not your colours; it's maroon and cream.
GRF : Uh? Not at all sure.
Offstage : (a voice very like fbb's) ...
... It says "Stagecoach" on the front.
GRF : Surely not. Aaagh. The ignominy of the situation.
The pain, the anguish, the shame. 

Mr Fearnley was later overheard talking to the driver, using his most sotto of voces.
"Listen, boyo; if you keep shtum, mate, there'll be a brown envelope with a little sweetener inside left in the cab. You can forget this ever happened; and not a word to Aberdeen. Should you forget to forget, pal, we've got some beefy fitters at Plymouth who'll be paying you a visit"
Fortunately few of the Fearnley family grasped the horror of the situation and the tour proceeded with no further debate on the matter.

The first stagecoach of the tour wiggled round Meadfoot Sea Road ...
... with gorgeous views over Torbay to Brixham; much to the glee of the man of the moment.
Next, the bus sped (?) happily through Torquay and on to Paignton where it squeezed under the railway bridge ...
... with barely an inch clearance above the pates of the passengers. There was a stop on the sea front for photos ...
... with an opportunity for some of the guests to avail themselves of a ride on the Wild Mouse ...
 ... an opportunity sadly declined by all.

The tour concludes tomorrow when we will also take a closer look at that St*g*c**ch bus.
A Puzzle Picture
What is it?
Where is it?
Answers later in the week.
 Next topless blog : Sunday 16th June 


  1. But the burly fitters at Plymouth won't be Mr F's after 5th Sept.....