Acting Director General Ben Still B :-
Also present in an advisory capacity, Aggie Tate (office tea lady) A :-
B Welcome all. Have you brought the survey figures Tom?
D Now this is from street interviews with bus passengers?
T Yes. The percentages are as follows.
89% of passengers use one route regularly and others very rarely
93% of passengers never use our leaflets for daily information
38% of passengers will obtain a leaflet for their local route
11% of passengers use their computer for routine information
3% of our passengers use Traveline on a regular basis
B So, gentlemen, at a rough glance it would appear we are spending XXXXXXXX (redacted; financial confidentiality) on publicity which is used regularly by barely one tenth of our passengers.
D It would seem, then, that there are savings to be made. Mrs Tape?
A Aye your Directorship?
D Now you travel on the buses, don't you? [sharp intake of breath and mutters of disbelief round the table]
A Aye M'lud?
B So how do you find out what times the bus runs?
A Eee. Ah guzz t t'stop an' wets fu next-un.
T Don't you use our leaflets, then? [Mrs Tate lives at Darnall]
A Eee. Ah cant mek n' sense o' they things. It addles me brain, tha noahs.
A Anyroad. Theres ollus one 'long in a minnit, int they? [Pause whilst interpretation is debated].
T [sulkily] They're very good leaflets. They've won awards. [for the best leaflets in South Yorkshire? - fbb]
A Nah then thee. I ain't perceptive nu mooer. Doctor giv me them pills.
B Of course Mrs Tripe, of course?
T The operators certainly won't notice; they're too busy fighting among themselves. [chortles all round]
A Is thee ready for't tea nah? Ahll gooun mash. Nobbdee teks suger, sept me. An' I'm got thee sum o' Baldy Garry's biskits from't canteen. Thems orl rayt, tha noahs.