Mott MacDonald's Magnificent Message
It was one of the ploys of Jim Hacker's political career (Yes [Prime] Minister) ...
... that, if things got a bit sticky, politically, the plan was to commission a full and frank report. Sir Humphrey promised his PM three possible consequences.
By the tine the report was published
Most would have forgotten about it
Few would ever read it - and
Of those that did read it, none would
understand it.
So fbb has taken an askance glance at the Mott MacDonald report on the Clyde Metro idea.
The contents go up to section number 8 by which the (very expensive) consultants have managed to cone up with some proposals - of a sort, but read on.
fbb was excited to read about the alignment between problem statements and the objectives. If he could stand even more excitement, he could also immerse himself in some logic mapping.
He did neither; but he did look at the pictures and consider some of the summary panels.
So we are now ready for some place making and place mending.
Maybe fbb has not quite grasped the reports lingo?
Getting it, Mott!
Some places have good public transport but many don't.
You really do need a "vision" and any vision is obviously more meaningful if you use the very best technobabble.
And there's more; lots more; and more lots more. This is what Mr Mott has got for the edification of whoever commissioned the report.
Or, being interpreted, Glasgow needs better buses and trains.
Another Yes Minister tenet applies. "Never commission a report until you know exactly what answer you want, then get someone to write it to give you your desired conclusion."
Also, have some very clear aims.
You need to pay good money for such perceptive and revolutionary ideas.
And there's more!
Mr Mott hits the spot by diverting services away from Glasgow Central to improve connectivity,
Maybe our loyal blog readers have switched off their "devices" by now and moved over to their much less challenging macrame work.
Mr Mott's alternative; knots!
But for those still reading and still awake, fbb will sample some of the maps the Mr Mott has got for our edification.
There is a series of diagrams showing the transport characteristics of each main area of Glasgow - important for those decision makers who lack local knowledge.
OK, they tell what is there already, notably where the trains go.
Then we have one of these. Mr Mott appends a plot of how frequent buses are along each road.
Here is the key.
Buses are frequent along some bits of road, but the diagram doesn't bother with where they go; the buses are just there.
And there's even more.
Ah, yes. Some folk don't have access to a train and the buses are slow!
Mr Mott sure hits the spot with that revelation.
He even tells us about these:-
Do you suffer from isochrones, missus? You need to rub in the liniment twice a day!
fbb looked it up! It is all greek him!
It is a map showing journey possibilities that take the same (iso) time (chronos). It is a factual measure that Mott has got to show how accessible the public transport is in key localities.
No, fbb doesn't understand it either but it does make a very pretty map.
It looks as if Mr Mott's diagram has been shot by multicoloured paint balls.
And there's more.
More removal from existing termini or it will cost horrendous amounts of money!
fbb is sure that Mr Mott has not lost the plot; this sort of stuff has to be created to convince the money bags at Government level to foot the eye watering bill for Clyde Metro.
Some might say that Mr Mott does not spot the practical needs - his report needs more hard-nosed reality rather than a nauseous eruption of statical obscuration.
But Mr Mott is not a clot! Just doing his job on the dot.
But after a very cursory peruse, fbb is still not clear what exactly is proposed.
But have no fear dear reader. There us another report, this time from Strathclyde Parternship for Transport a k a Glasgow PTE.
It offers its readers four options, complete with maps, which fbb will explore tomorrow - IF he can understand them.
Literature Puzzle Pictures
After the above verbiage and diagrammatic diversions, fbb needs to return to sanity. So ...
We all know the main characters from Wilbert Awdry's 'Thomas the Tank Engine' stories. BUT ...
Answers tomorrow.
... can you identify these two?
Next Glasgow blog : Thurs 12 Feb
Daisy and BoCo
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