Saturday Variety

What Links 'Midlands Today' ...

...  with Sheffield Supertram?

In the far off days of fbb's youth, his local BBC tv news programme adopted a new introductory caption, It was similar to the above, but the 'Midlands' area map was black and the 'Midlands Today' text was white, all on a grey background. There was no colour TV and only 505 scan lines!

fbb, wit that he was, even then, (maybe hall right, some might say) wrote to the programme, using pen, paper, envelope and Royal Mail postage stamp (how quaint!).

The gist of his witty missive was to express concern that the Midlands area of the country has been replaced with a mysterious black emptiness. The letter went on to express the view that the missing bit of UK was now in the hands if a local (w)holesaler!

Hopefully blog readers have been able to stifle their uncontrollable guffaws!

What, retrospectively, is amazing is that the letter was read out loud as the closing "funny" of the programme - and fbb never saw it!

A chum phoned to congratulate him on his first and only contribution to live television.

Supertram's (W)holesale Disruption!

Birley Wood Golf Course is quite close to Birley Lane tram stop.

Birley Lane is on Sheffield's BLUE tram route to Halfway.

It is on the east-west bit of line ...

... in the above enlargement, lower right.

Just by the Golf Course, the tram track has found a hole in one --- for giant golf balls.

Another job for fbb's (w)holesaler! But, good news folks, the local MP, Clive Betts ...

... is quickly in the job with an incisive and dynamic proposal.

fbb can help you there, Clive.

Nobody knew it was there!

fbb is pleased to be able to contribute to the democratic process for which our nation is justly proud!

The whole area was littered with mines and small industrial premises in the distant past.

Only a couple of years ago the (w)holesaler was hard at work in a nearby wooded area.

So no real surprise!

A replacement bus service is operating between Gleadless and Halfway.

Every 15 Minutes?

The news that Tricky Dicky ...

... has won paths for his services, competing with Eurostar, has prompted journos to get out their pocket calculators and work out how many passenger trains will be zooming 'Sous La Manche'!

Sadly, the press chooses not to explain that, unless there are to be request stops near the Tunnel mouths on both sides of the wet (Folkestone and Sangatte), nobody will get a 15 minute service.

And, of course, tickets will not be interavailable and only the really brave will try turning up at St Pancras and hopping on the next departure.

Cop The Speed Freaks

Network Rail and the Police are working together to nab members of the public who drive dangerously over level crossings.

The high-roof Ford Transit has cameras front and rear and a tall pole thing (aerial for real time video?) plus plenty of scary graphics.

Now you can own one for your OO gauge model railway. No 4mm-to-the-foot car driver would dare break the rules with this model on hand to keep watch!

A distinctive addition to any modern railway or emergency services collection. This British Transport Police Ford Transit represents one of the Mobile Enforcement Vans used in partnership with Network Rail to help tackle misuse at level crossings.

Finished in the striking Police and Network Rail livery, the model features detailed camera graphics, ANPR markings and distinctive roof-mounted camera equipment making it an unusual and highly detailed Transit for your collection. 

Residents of Peterville and visitors to the railway are stiffly upright ...

... and honest citizens, standing firm and utterly rigid against such irresponsible activity.

Anyway, fbb doesn't have a level crossing on his layout.

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When fbb closely examined his freightliner tanks, devoid of BP logos ...

... he was in for a shock. It was only a small shock from which the old man soon recovered. Upon close examination ...

... you can just see the line of muck which marks the edge of a 'shield' BP logo - which had all fallen off. They were not ttransfers, bur bits of printed paper stuck on. They had all fallen off.

The picture above, not one of fbb's wagons, illustrates that fbb had just one errant paper 'shield' logo in the delivery package as more evidence. And it was a small one from the end of a tank.

Anyway, fbb could never cut around something as tiny as that. The larger shields are just 8mm across, this small on only 5mm.

So fbb printed some squared shields.

But they didn't work. He couldn't cut evenly between the logos to leave a reasonable amount of square border on both.

It needed a bodge!

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 Next Variety blog : Sunday 30th Aug